I'm lazy when it comes to posting, and its not like it matters anyway. No one reads my journal, so its not like I have any real motivation to post anyway.

well just wanted to post this...

Best.Quote.EVER!

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Now thats a quote! lol I saw that and i was oh hell yes!!! That is SO me!!!!

Today's Message of the Day is:
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we're here, we should dance.

So yeah I know i don't update often but mostly its cause no one reads my journal so I don't really feel compelled to do it. And I'm the type of person that has to have motivation to do anything. seriously.
Anyway, I've started down my destructive path again. If I haven't said it before, I'll say it again.. I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING ALONE!!!!! I know i have my gran and I'm VERY thankful but she stays in her room all the time and can never remember anything anyone tells her. So I have no one to hang out with, or anything. I hate this. I don't do well in solitude. Never have.

And this heat is getting to me. We have NO air conditioning in our living room, where the T.V., and my computer are. By evening time, it feels like its 100 in my living room. And even when I'm under a fan, I feel like I am suffocating. And I can't eat either, cause I'm SO hot that it makes me not even hungry. i got fans all in the living room and kitchen, but come evening, it doesn't do much. Just blows the hot air around. I'm telling you, I NEED a BIG miracle!!!!!! I keep praying about it. If anyone else would be so kind, I'd appreciate your prayers as well.

So I ended up getting another PS and everything works now. Btw, the old PS did fit it. Found out through reading the mobo manual that it supports 2x10 ATX PSU's, well apparently not, cause after taking it to a techie, I found it wasn't compatible. I'm SO tired of mobo manuals telling us lies. lol Get it right man!

Mike tricked me into reading this insanely lame as hell youtube video from Onion news about world of world of warcraft. I seriously can't believe I wasted precious moments watching that and whats more, I think I killed several million brain cells doing it.
Its like its Idiocracy the movie come to life! *runs away scared!*


So I haven't seen my brother now in over a month. I miss my sister who moved to California, and basically haven't seen my whole family since last year. I haven't even seen my dad since my birthday in April and that was all of 5 minutes, cause he was in a hurry. (He works out of state, and rarely gets to come home.)
I keep praying about it all and trying not to stay depressed but its so hard. I miss them so very much.

OMFG, I just wrote a whole freakin paragraph, and lj n firefox made it go poof. hell. Well i am NOT writing it all over again.
UGHhhhhhh
Basically what I was saying was.. Processor fan broke on the processor, and thats what was causing the random crashes and freezing most likely.
Went to Fry's today to ONLY get a fan, and come out with pretty much a new comp lol Well not really but I went ahead and got a new mobo with new processor, new vid card, and new memory.  The sales guy I talked to said my power supply would fit it no problem. And of course I get home and start putting stuff together and low and behold, the power supply doesn't fit. UGH
And whats worse, the PS isn't that old. I just got it couple of years ago.  So looks like I might have to buy me another PS, and I really don't have the money at all for that. Hell, I barely had the money to get what I got.  So I don't know when I will actually get my computer all done. I know I need to get a job asap. seriously.

And if you wondering how I am posting right now... I'm on my sisters computer.

Oh Cristie and I also saw Strek Trek today. Second time for me. Yes I loved it that much. And she loved it, as I knew she would. All hail to fellow Trekkies. Feel the love. lol
 

My computer has been giving me grief the last 2 weeks, give or take.  Random restarts, freezing, BSOD's, all kinds of issues. And after weeks of research, and trying to determine if its hardware or software.... I'm fairly certain its hardware.  Hard drive is dying I'm almost 100 percent sure of, and maybe the video card too. But I won't know for certain til after the reformat of my slave, which is the good one, which will be the new primary. And if I am still having problems after that, then I'll know its the video card as well.  So we'll see.

So sorry I am not updating much. Also been really busy too

Happy Sabbath my fellow Adventists :)

As most of you know since my last post, I kinda stopped taking my meds. I've started back up the last 3 weeks I think, but I still haven't seen my doctor since January or February. I ran out of my prescription a while back, and been only taking the samples that I have left. I am determined tho to see what I need to do to get seen again. I need to.

Alot has changed even more since my last post. The 30 pounds that I had managed to lose in a year and half, I gained back in 3 months. After March, I became so depressed, that I stopped taking my pills and pretty much did whatever the hell I wanted to. :(  What happened in March was that once again, I was let down by anyother person I was extremely close to. Heck, this whole past year has been nothing but a series of letdowns from varoius family members and loved ones.  But on the upside to all of this, it has brought me closer to God. And for that, I suppose I can not regret what has happened.  God has helped me so much with SO many things that if it weren't for Him, things would be way worse then what even I could imagine.
To date, God has helped me get my very first car!!!! :) Its a beautiful royal blue Kia Rio. I love it. And I am so incredibly thankful to God for it. 

I've also gotten to witness some to my athiest friend Chris, and it was about the Sabbath, which I think is awesome. I was so glad God gave that oppurtunity to me and that God helped me to know what to say. I didn't say much, but I am praying that God will take that little seed and make it grow. He is after all the author and finisher of our faith. 

My sister moved to California. I have been very saddened by this, as I miss her so much.  I am a very close to my family and I love my family very much. I had always hoped we'd stay in the same state at least but this is not to be, at least for my sister and father.  That is not stopping me from praying about it however. It could be that it is only His will for her to be there for a very short time. I pray that He will also help me to accept His will, whatever that may be.

Aside from all that, anything else that has changed is of no consequence enough for me to post about it.   Hope all of you are well and having a blessed day.

I'm babysitting Emily again today. She's 13 months old.  She's really good for me, and doesn't even cry that much when momma leaves.  Only time she's difficult is when its time to put her to sleep. She fights it so freakin hard.
Supposed to take a nap this morning and only ended up sleeping for 10 minutes, cause I put her down.  I can't hold her the whole time she's sleeping. My arm starts to hurt after a while.  Her momma sure doesn't. 
So now I'm just updating my journal, while she's in the playpin, trying to hopefully get her tired again, so she can sleep longer then 10 minutes.  wish me luck :)
I can't wait til she leaves though. I love her, but I didn't get much sleep last night at all and I'm dead tired and exhausted.

Sara never has written back. I gotta admit I'm shocked, dismayed, and very hurt. I thought our friendship meant at least something to her, but I guess not. Enough to where I thought she might try and work this out with me or something but no.  Just goes to show ya who your real friends really are.

I know I know.. I'm horrible at consistent updates.  Its like a disease or something.
I'm thinking though, if I had more positive great things to say, I KNOW I would update more.  But I just don't feel like always writing down the worries and troubles of this world.  I mean, when I look back on my journal as I do a lot of times, I don't want to see all negativity.  you get what I am saying?  So yeah, plain and simple.

I've started up my card ministry again, for shut-ins and basically anyone who needs encouragement/support, or just wants a penpal for friendship.  I got a whole lot of different cards and stamps, so I am good to go.  Mom and I used to do this together, but now its just me. I want to continue doing this, as I know its for a good cause.  And I do love writing and encouraging people.
Anyway, if anyone is interested in getting snail mail and maybe returning some, let me know.  :-)

Oh, and one other thing. I've started playing Everquest again. Or should I say Evercrack. lol  Even tho its lost alot of its players over the years, it is still the best game to me.  It relaxes me, well most of the time.  I play a barb shaman. She's lvl 54 at the moment.  I admit I solo'd with her the majority of her levels, but it was still fun.  Oh and I play on the Xegony server, so if there are any xegony eq players out there, gimme a tell.  Comment and I'll give you her name.

And one more thing, o em gee, can it get any hotter? don't answer that.  Here in Texas, its been Consecutively over a 100 for the past 2 months, I am not NOT joking.  And August is going to be just as worse, if not more.  I looked at the forecast like an hour ago..... both Sat. and Sun. are gonna be 105+, and the rest of the week over 100+.    I can't take the heat. I can't wait til it gets cooler!!!!!

holy oh em gee!  Jeremy and gran and I went to Ol'South Pancake house here in Fort Worth, and guess who walked thru the door!!!!    Lorenzo Lamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
He's been in so many movies and tv shows, its not even funny. He was also one of the contestants on dancing with the stars. 
Anyway, yeah, he looked SO good.  Dear God, that man is fine. lol 
He was close enough to us, that I got to hear him talking about some movie he was in, and some other stuff. 
But yeah, i was too shy and embarrassed to ask him for his autograph so I just left without a word.  oh well. 

Finally got the air conditioner in. I swear we encountered every obstacle there was but we got thru it all, with Gods help of course. A job that normally was only supposed to take an hour to hour n half tops, took about 4 hours!!!  So yeah
Its a nice air conditioner. So glad I got this one. :-)

Ok, so I play wow, and am I GM on the private server.  But I'm fixing to start playing Everquest again too.  I am gonna try my hardest not to get extremely addicted. lol   Its a very addicting game. They don't call it evercrack for nothin. lol

Sometimes days go by without knowing what to post, or how to say what I want to say.  Sometimes its hard to say how I feel.
I don't know. I'm being introspective tonight I guess. or something.
I miss my mom.  I think about her all the time, and dream about her.
I found one of her journals the other day, and read it.  It made me cry, and sad.
I really do miss you momma so much!
I should probably join a grief group, but what would I say that I don't say here. What could they possibly say to help ease this sorrow and grief.   no, I don't want to hear about someone else's loss. Thats NOT going to make me feel better in the least.
All I can say, what I pray every night, even before mom passed, is...
Please Jesus, please come soon and quickly!

before i give up completely.

Pizza in the oven. dvd in the player. practically nude while the fans (yes, multiple!) blowing on me.
True, not the type of blowin I would prefer, but we can't all be picky lol
Movie: Employee of the month.  Never seen it but I hoping it's as comedic as it sounded. Otherwise, darn you netflix!
In the meantime til the pizza is ready, is listening to all kinds of music aka weezer, Tori A., and hellogoodbye, and alot of others.   Ok, pizza is almost done, cya guys later.


PS: No I don't love you LOL
seriously tho, I have been thinking about making a community called "ComedicThoughts".  Obviously, all of us have our funny moments or thoughts that we think is just side splitting and want to share. And too often, we don't post those thoughts and moments.
Sooooooo, to my dear friends, what do you think? 

PSS: No, I still don't love you, stop asking. :P
Mah profile has been updated.  just fyi, in case you get curious.  nothing special, carry on....

I got my camera today!  It wasn't exactly what I was expecting. Its got more stuff to it (buttons and gizmo's) then my other camera did.  So looks like I'm gonna have to read the manual before I start using it.  oh joy lol

Ok, BIG reason why I haven't been posting is cause of the heat wave here. And plus, no air conditioning.  The ONLY working ones we have are in my gran's room and my room.  And since my computer is in the den, thats why.  It feels like a freakin oven every time I come out of my room.  And I'm in the oven right now. :-(   But I knew I hadn't posted in a bit, so I thought I better. :-)

Some good news is, we're going to the bank Wednesday, to close out my mom's acct., cause I finally found her d. certificate. (sorry I still can't say it.)  And there is enough in it to get an air conditioner for the den.  The one for the living room will have to be later on.
Also, my sister is gonna help also with the termite cost.  She's gonna give me half, and then hopefully I can work out the rest with them.
Plus, I have to call a handyman too tomorrow about our backyard, and see if someone can make it "non foresty" without charging an arm and a leg.  Its been let go for too long. So I'm gonna be making many phone calls tomorrow. 
I pray all will work out all right. I know God has been with us all this time. Momma always said "we have nothing to fear for the future, lest we forget what God has done in the past."   :-)  But I don't wanna be presumptuous, so I am definitely gonna be praying. :-)

You know what I would love to see on livejoural? Smilies!!!!! I love smilies. And I think it would be so cool  There could be like a default set you could use. And then livejournal could make it to where, you had to pay to have custom smilies for your journal.  That way, some smilies would be totally unique to your journal.  So we'd be happy, they'd be happy.  *sigh*  yep, I think thats a great plan.

I was so stressed out. I have a doctors appointment today and had NO way to get there. I'd been trying to find a way there. Anyway, I left a message with my counselor to see if she could pick me up and take me back home.  I kept praying constantly to God, that He would help me find a ride.  And as we all know, God does answers prayers!  She called me this morning and said she would take me.  Praise the Lord for being so good and faithful to his children.  My appt. is at 1:50, but she's gonna pick me up at 1pm.  At early but I don't mind. I'm just thankful to the Lord that he helped me find a ride. :-)
Right now tho, I have a massive headache, so I need to get off the computer.  I don't think the light is helping.
All of you have a wonderful day. 
hugs

In the news today....
I am getting an upgrade to my camera.
I am currently in the possession of a 1.2 megapixel camera.  (Or was til I gave it to Jeremy since I'm getting a new one.)
The upgrade is to a .........

wait for it......


FIVE WHOLE megapixels!!!!!

shhyeah.....
amazing ain't it? I can't wait. I'm goin professional!!! :D  lol  

If only livejournal cut worked, sigh...

In Other exciting news....
Our electricity went out Sat. morning, and I called TXU and they said there was a power outage. So I said ok, gave my report and got off the phone. About 20 minutes later, and I'm the middle of prayer and the electricity comes back on. Praise God! He definitely answers our prayers. :-) Saturday was a good day. Missed church but still had wonderful worship time, and was just very restful.
In current news...
My sleeping schedule is severely screwed up right now, I'm not even joking.  If I don't try and get if fixed soon, I'm gonna be up all night like this all the time. That just won't do. Can't have that, no no.
btw, I updated my profile in case anyone wants to check it out.  Your more then welcome. :-D
Ok, NOW, i'm gonna try and pass out, and TRY not to sleep all day. lol  Thats the plan at least.

Happy Sabbath to those who know what that means. lol  :) Hope you have a good one.

The rest of you... Happy weekend! :)  Hope everyone's weekend is wonderful. :)

And as for randomness, yes yes, i am random. But i think its nice. You never know what your going to get, and each entry is different.  Your probably thinking, isn't everyone's entry different? Oh no. I know some people whom I know, almost every single time,  what they are going to say. And they almost always make the same references over and over.  There's only so many times you can comment about the same thing. LOL  Thats when creative writing becomes a need.  I'm sure some of you have at least ONE person on your list that fits this description. lol  come on now, I know your all giggling and secretly agreeing.  :-P

On to something else...
There are those people whom your heart goes out to, and you read their life and feel it almost as your own.  A beautiful flower in a field of grass.  You have all my hugs and love and prayers for as long as you need it.  I care for you all.  And if you ever need a listening ear outside of LJ, I'll give you my yahoo s/n or what ever other medium you need of me.

If I may share with you some quotes from my favorite author/poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson, about friendships...  he says..
"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."
And another man said this.....
"If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair."
- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) British lexiographer.

I personally feel that any happy, successful relationship is one where two people share with each other. The sharing I am talking about does not include sharing a house, or sharing a meal, or any other material possessions.  Its like when we write in our journals, we're sharing our lives with other people. Reaching out to the world around us in hopes of finding people to commune with, care for, and to edify each other in our hopes and dreams and everyday life.  It is the deepest need in the human psyche to have human contact, and human interaction, as well as seeking edification. But even more, the need for a more deeper, emotional, and sometimes spiritual connection.
If say two married people share a house, and all their worldly possessions but everyday they do not ask how their day went, to want to know in great detail their feelings, thoughts, and their treasured or stressed moments.  Then the connection ceases to be, and the marriage very rapidly begins to unfold and disintegrate.  Its then that the couple begins to find meaning and connections with others elsewhere.  It is the very basic form of bonding, communication,  with which we can make or break a connection with someone.
Indeed, it is one of the first steps in bonding. The babies cry tells the mother she is needed, and that the baby needs her comfort.  Its her decision, as well as the fathers, to decide whether to make the connection with their child. To simply raise, clothe, feed, or to go beyond all that and actually share their life, which is the physical, emotional, mental, and social life.   What do you think happens to a child who never gets hugged?  The decision's we make have enormous impacts on those around us.
Of course, there are those who are so completely caught up in themselves that they are incapable of making any type of real connection.  Connections aren't just about sharing, but also about trust, and the need to relate to people, and to consider others needs as well as their own.  These people, referred to as (extremely) selfish, are completely wrapped up in self. 
It is also sad to think that most people find edification and connection though television, internet chat rooms, forums and other forms of industry. If there is none to be found at home, it will be sought elsewhere. They neglect their need for human social interaction and connection.  This in turn leads to false fantasies and ideas towards characters, celebrities, and other fantasy mediums.  They become delusional in their sense of whats real and whats not. They believe they have emotional mental connections with these people, whether it be a co-worker, a celebrity, a fantasy character, or some other obscure fantasy person that they have illusioned. These people often turn into stalkers.  And some of the more dangerous ones (stalkers) feel that their target is their's and their's alone. They are unable to let go of any past or present connection, real or imagined, and unwilling to share that person with anyone else.  Some would say this stems from childhood, from neglect, and from any lack of shared trust and connection.
They have so long been deprived of any REAL deep seated human connection and trust, that they must make up one in order to survive.   They either entwine their lives with others, with or without permission, seeking meaning and purpose by sharing their life. Or they cut themselves off, and insanity slowly settles in.   So you see the purpose and importance in sharing.......
The philosophy could be that the meaning of life means to live life, to share life, and to give life.   And how you interpret that is how you will perceive life, and how you will share it with others.